Spirituality
the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.” (Reference Dictionary.com)
Sexuality
capacity for sexual feelings.
“she began to understand the power of her sexuality” (Reference Dictionary.com)
I used to be one of those people that went to church every Sunday. It was mostly because my mom made me go but, I always felt disconnected from it. So, I would say around the age of 8 or 9, I finally told my mom that I was not interested in going to church anymore. Let me refrain that, I told her I “hated” church. Now, you may say this is something that most kids that age would say. But, when I say that it just did not do it for me, I meant it. It did not feel right to me. it felt like a show to me for some reason. I think the only reason I wanted to stay in it so long was that I would get the juice and bread at the end. I’m being serious. LOL! I mean, free food and drink.
A couple of years ago, I really started to delve into spirituality. I started to get into meditation and it really helped me with controlling my emotions. I got a ticket for driving in the HOV lane the same month of my birthday. Normally, I would have cried and it would’ve ruined my day, hell my month. But, instead, I got over it really quick. I said to myself that I deserved it because I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing. But, slowly, things started to happen and I let my spirituality fall to the wayside. And I lost a part of it; a part of myself actually. So, for a couple of years, I just let that part of me be dormant even though I knew that who I really was.
Fast forward to now and I have slowly started to get back into it. But, this time, I noticed something a little bit different. I noticed as my spirituality starts to ramp up so does my sexuality. In the past, I did not consider myself to be someone that was sexy. I let my weight hold me back from that. I also did not like to talk about sexual things, I used to feel like that was something you kept to yourself or talked about with your partner. I guess, my parents were a little more conservative when they started having children. Certain things they just did talk about or want to talk about. Them not talking about these things still holds true today.
I’ve always been open-minded but, just not so much so with sex and sexuality. Over the past couple of months, I have become more open to doing things that I wouldn’t have done 2 years ago because there was some type of negativity connected to it. I feel like I’m free to express myself in a way now than I’ve ever been before. I find myself joining into a sexual discussion that I would have stood on the sidelines in the past. I welcome these discussions and while I may not tell everything that I am into, some stuff needs to be between myself and my partner, I am more comfortable with having them. I also find myself wanting to be around people that are more open-minded with things. I found some great groups on Facebook where I feel comfortable to express myself.
I’m not one to care about someone who is doing in their home because it is not affecting me. So, if someone wants to swing from their ceiling and do a somersault at the same time, that is not my business. Nor will I look down on them for that. We must do what makes you feel happy and comfortable and if you have a willing partner, then that makes it even better. I just need to find that willing partner now.